If you don't stand for something...

I have decided to take a stance. Mr. B. and I talked on Saturday and traded a couple of text messages on Saturday night, followed by one or two on Sunday morning.

I was in a really weird mood Sunday morning. It was a combination of depressed, sad, exhausted, anxious, rage, frustration etc. But none of it positive. I have just been working so hard lately, and frankly feeling beyond tired. I was irritated with Mr. B. and decided that I was tired of me ALWAYS being the one that picks up the phone to call and take that initiative. I just felt like the only time that he would call would be when he was returning one of my calls.

This is a perpetual feeling, mind you. I always feel like I am the one trying to make something work. I am always the one that is putting up the fight, and again on Sunday, I had had enough. I put my foot down and decided not to call him, and would wait for him to call me.

Thank goodness I wasn't holding my breath, cause I would have died while waiting for him to call. No phone call Sunday. No phone call Monday. Pathetic text message on Monday evening that read something about why was I being a stranger and he missed me. Sounded like BS to me, so my response was that he could dial my number just as easily as I could dial his.

No response. No phone call Tuesday. I emailed him something asinine that I thought he would think was funny this morning. Immediate response. See, if I take the initiative, he responds. But I don't always like taking the initiative.

I want someone who wants me. And badly. I want someone who gives me everything that I know that I deserve. I want a fighter who will fight for my attention and my time. I want someone who puts me high on his totem pole of importance.

I just don't know if Mr. B. is ever going to give me what I want. Being bored and wanting to be entertained by him can only go on for so long.

So, I have decided to take a stance. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. I am not going to reach out to him any longer. If he wants something, he can try getting it himself. No more giving myself to him without him giving something of himself to me - TIME.